It’s a super-bad-sounding word, for starters, one that reeks of subservience — or worse. Like abuse, according to Archbishop Rowan Williams, who’ll marry Prince William and Kate Middleton. He gave his OK to guidelines that basically said that a wife who promised to “obey” her hubby (and no a similar requirement that a hubby obeys his wife — “Yes dear” does not count!) is not only archaic, but could even be used to justify domestic violence.

And, of course, there is no way to justify that. Ever.

But its origins are more along the lines of someone having a desire to be unselfish than someone seeking power and domination or that someone (mostly women) is giving up her rights.

And so many of us — including Sara, when she was married — use words that are euphemisms to “obeying.” We “let” our hubbies have a night with the boys, or they “let” us go back to work.

Even the super-smart author (She Comes First)  Ian Kerner offers advice that make me scratch my head:

You know the phrase that inside every man there’s a little boy? Actually, he’s a big dumb teenager, and if you let him go hang out with his friends every now and then, he’ll come home a better man.

“Let” him hang with his friends? I don’t want a man who wants me to let him do things — I want him to do things. Nor do I want a man who lets me do things.

Sounds a lot like “obey” instead of “healthy relationship.”

I want a relationship in which he and I both understand, embrace, respect and encourage relationships and activities outside the “we.”

Is that so hard?

Of course, I have no problem with a man who wants to obey my every wish and desire. Any takers?

Do you have a problem with a spouse “obeying”?
Did you say the word “obey” in your vows?
Do you say you’ll “let” your sweetie do something?


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